i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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