even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
