Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
