oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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