I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
