Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
