Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
