I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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