He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
