did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
