Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
