We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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