I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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