Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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