STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
