I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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