I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
