Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
