if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
