I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
