I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize