she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
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Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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