you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
