All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
