Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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