bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
