i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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