my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
