I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
