I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Text me some of your sweat
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
