I'm lost and stupid without you.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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