The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
