I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
