The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
