it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
