I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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