I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
