Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
