RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
