so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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