I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
