I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
