My liver just broke up with me...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
it's great music for shaving your balls
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
