i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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