her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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