Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
