yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
