I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
