i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
