Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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