i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize