He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
me + whiskey = a bad person
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
