I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
