no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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