its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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