Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
