Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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