i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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