Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
