I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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