weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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