so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
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