my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
