I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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