Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!