Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize