Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN