I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...