like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
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While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
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i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.