So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
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She puked her nose ring out of her face.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
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There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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