She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks