I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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