last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
