no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
