She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i think my cat just said my name.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
