i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
