just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
40s are totally the cure
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
