you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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