Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
