Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
