No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
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