I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
