You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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